Today is one of the worst days I’ll have to get by. You’d probably think I’m overreacting and it’s understandable and expected from someone who isn’t me.
Here I am on my lunch break blogging my heart out, when I should be thinking about an appropriate and honest description of myself, because for some reason people decided to embarrass each other by coming up with a plan to hang our mug shots on the office wall labeled by one-word description of ourselves. Earlier today I was so entertained by what I saw. Someone likes to call herself “the heartbreaker?” and another one writes “hopeless romantic?” I’d say who cares??
Anyway, here comes the tough part. Self - gratification. The part where you have to play along with a horde who like to put up agendas so they can glorify their selves. In the corporate world they call it cooperation, teamwork and if I may point out how it could get worse, they even tend to measure your competence by how well you dignify yourself in front of your peers.
Truth is I feel completely violated. I wouldn’t mind having my picture hung on a wall if it’s for recognition given by people other than MYSELF! How can I even take the pleasure of describing myself while having to abide by the rules that they like to call “ethics” or “code of conduct” (which you never want to mess with considering it’s the culprit for most of the misfortunes of the jobless).
I don’t take myself too seriously so If I were to have the liberty to describe myself I’d say HERMIT or NEUROTIC like my friends would joke about, but these are not really the kind of words one would post on a wall where they work. I’m not the type who pays too much attention to what people say about me, but I do want to maintain peace of mind by not attracting instinctive responses to anything unusual. And with that I mean people may come up with a long list of questions about me and how I ended up describing myself as such, then they like to play God by interpreting the kind of person I am based on my reactions.
Finally someone decided to spare me the torture by volunteering to describe me. Sounded reasonable so I gave it a shot. So she said I’m the “rocker chic”. NOT! I like music that convey message which I don’t already know. I mostly find them in punk and alternative music. And it’s funny coz they actually think it’s all just ROCK. Who cares about genre?
I don’t want to misrepresent myself, if you know what I’m saying, and I’m not even a full-fledged punk so that’s not an option. Might as well be labeled “POSER”. I certainly don’t want to be called “alternative chick” either. Doesn’t sound good to me.
I don’t know how this day will end. I can think of too many scenarios, all of them end up in embarrassment. This happens from time to time. At times, I’m at it before I know it. Showing off, I mean. Self-indulgent bastards could get you into it, hardly noticing, at times you’re stuck in it without a choice coz they coincidentally come out in places where you’re being paid for every minute of your agony.