Sleepless Mind Speaks

Recently I watched Homeless to Harvard, A true story of Liz Murray, who managed to get out of poverty on her own. When asked if she ever felt sorry for herself when she was homeless, she said “that has always been my life”.
I was amazed at how she didn’t feel at all like she was stuck in a situation she can’t get out of. Like the way I feel sometimes. I remember one good friend telling me it’s our choices along the way that lead us to where we are at this moment. But what about those instances when I didn’t feel like I had choices?

I kind of thought life was just a pattern. You grow up and quit playing with dolls, finish school, have your first boyfriend and first kiss, write diaries, get your diploma, get a job, get married and have children, and so on. I used to think when I’m grown up I can take care of myself and take control then I can live life as planned. Maybe this is the reason why I go about whining at almost everything going on.

I’m still struggling to understand things that just seem to be so out of hand. At times, I just get tired of consoling myself with the thought that things happen for a reason. I would really feel better if I could go beyond; maybe know the reasons why things happen when they do.

Let me share with you what I learned my favourite speaker. That life is more than just a walk in the park. And we sometimes console ourselves by “If only”. In my case, it’s true. When faced with a difficult situation, I end up backtracking what I have done that lead to such malady. Then I start pondering what I could’ve done. Then it wouldn’t have happened.
But then again I know that there is power greater than our “If only”.

I better hold on to this before I go crazy. I’ll just cheer myself up with the idea that my mistakes are not entirely my fault. I was meant to make mistakes for the wisdom that I’d learn out of those will prepare me for whatever I’m tasked to do.

I can only guess then that life is about constantly looking for opportunity to learn in every situation, so we can take the next step up. And our ability to reach the top depends on how much we procrastinate along the way. Maybe those who suffer more than others are just offshoots of intertwined consequences of too much procrastination. Like they say life is a constant fight for change. Its challenge is finding out every bit of opportunity in every difficult situation.

Of course this idea is not entirely true. The truth is I just made it up. So I can stop whining.

Truth is, my life is not a walk in the park. It's a seemingly endless battle against consequences,of my own actions. Consequences which, mostly I had to face on my own. If I could ask for some consolation, It'd be that, through all I've been through, I hope I didn't miss the lessons I was supposed to learn.

Special thanks to Matet and Joe:)